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The word “stranger” is basically defined as a person whom one does not know or with whom one is not familiar. The word “stranger” comes from the Latin word extraneus, which means “exterior” or “from the outside.” Therefore, generally speaking, a stranger is someone who may be considered an outsider because of religion, culture, race, or whatever the reason.

If we look around the room this morning we may find at least one or two people who are strangers to us. Each of us, have been strangers ourselves on different occasions.

For example, for 20 years of my life I served on active duty in the United States Navy. During those 20 years, I was blessed with opportunities to travel all over the world on different assignments. I was even blessed to live in a few different countries for a time. In each of those situations, I was considered the stranger or the outsider. However, one of the amazing things that I discovered was that once I made the effort to show that I was friendly and genuinely interested in learning a little about the people living in those countries, I no longer felt like a stranger. In fact, I began to make friends with different people, and even though neither of us could speak the language of the other perfectly, we were still able to communicate with one another.

In the same way, as disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, as we strive to live our lives according to His laws and His commandments, the world may consider us to be the strangers or the outsiders. But, the good news is that as members of the Church we have been given this promise, “Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God” (Ephesians 2:19). As members of the Church, we are not strangers or outsiders, but rather we become brothers and sisters. The Apostle Paul expounds on this in his teaching in Romans 8:16-18,

The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

A promise was also made of old when God promised Abraham,

And I will bless them through thy name; for as many as receive this Gospel shall be called after thy name, and shall be accounted thy seed, and shall rise up and bless thee, as their father (Abraham 2:10).

As Bishop Gérald Caussé pointed out in his October 2013 General Conference address, “Though the membership of the Church is increasing in its diversity, our sacred heritage transcends our differences.”

I would also like to point out that although a person may be a member of the Church, it is still quite possible that he or she may at times feel that they really don’t belong, or that they are a stranger or an outsider. That is the reason it becomes the responsibility of each of us to heed the words of the Savior when He taught, “A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” (John 13:34-35). And so, we must learn to take the focus off of ourselves, and learn to place that focus on serving others. We must be willing to “lift up the hands which hang down, and [steady] the feeble knees” (Hebrews 12:12).

Bishop Gérald Caussé also pointed out in his address,

Christ is our Great Exemplar in showing compassion and mercy to those who were considered to be strangers or outcasts in society. Throughout His earthly ministry none were excluded, all were equal recipients of His teachings and ministry. He healed the sick. He raised the dead. He cleansed the lepers. He sat and ate with publicans and tax collectors. He caused the deaf to hear, the dumb to speak, and the blind to see. And He even crossed cultural boundaries by asking a Samaritan woman at the well for a drink of water.

As His followers, we are asked to observe the law of perfect love. The Savior taught,

For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? Do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? Do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect (Matthew 5:46-48).

If we are faithful and obedient to the Lord’s commands, and live His teachings, there should be no strangers or outcasts among us, only brotherhood and sisterhood. We who are considered strangers and outsiders to the world, should be the very ones who set the example before the world of what true brotherhood and sisterhood is all about. Our daily lives should be guided by the knowledge that,

[We] are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your alight so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven (Matthew 5:14-16).

I mentioned that at times we will all find ourselves in situations where we will be considered the stranger or the outsider, but this is something that we can work together to avoid happening in the Church. When someone new comes to join us here in the sanctuary or in one of our classes, we should make every effort to make them feel comfortable, welcome, and a part of our Ward family. We must make the effort to be the first ones to offer the outstretched hand of friendship. A person may not be known by name at first, but yet, they are known to us as brother and sister.

Let us resolve from this day forward to have no more strangers among us. In the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ. Amen.

It is interesting to note that the United Kingdom has no legal definition of bullying, while some states in the United States have strict laws governing the bullying of others. Normally when the subject is discussed its reference is to incidents that occur among students in schools. Unfortunately, the school campus is not the only place where bullying occurs. It may also occur among youth in the Church.

Made to Feel as an Outcast among Peers

Bullying, which can be classified into four different types – verbal, social, physical, and cyber – is a serious problem, especially among youth. It can range from simple one-on-one bullying to more complex bullying in which the primary bully may have another person or persons to assist in his or her bullying activities.

According to the stopbullying.gov website, in order for behavior to be considered bullying it must be aggressive and include:

• An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others.

• Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.

The “targets” or “victims” of bullying are often made to feel inferior to their peers. They are often the recipients of unwarranted threats (including cyber threats), the subject of malicious rumors, the objects of physical or verbal abuse (to include inappropriate sexual comments), and deliberately excluded from certain groups.

When a Supposed Safe Haven No Longer Feels Safe

Most people think of church as a safe place where children can be protected from the wiles of the world. In the minds of most people, church is the last place where they would expect anyone to be the victim of bullying, but yet it does happen.

In an LDS Living Magazine article dated 28 August 2014 titled “The Sad Truth about Bullying at Church,” Kelsey Berteaux recounts the episode of a young teenage girl who was contemplating suicide by jumping off the roof of her home because she was being bullied by the youth in her ward. In the article, Judy Wells, the mother of the young teenage girl, recalls the events that led up to her daughter wanting to commit suicide, “The girls took her journal and read it when she left it on her chair to go to the library to get a Book of Mormon. Then, when she came in, they were quoting it.” She further stated that this was only one of a hundred things those young men and young women did. She continued,

When she [her daughter] went and sat down next to some girls, the girls would get up and create a new row and leave her sitting all alone. They invented fake physical relationships she could have had with boys and teased her about them, leaving notes about it on classroom whiteboards for others to find. They even harassed her outside of church, calling her to borrow equipment for a party she wasn’t invited to, and later, calling again to say how glad they were that she wasn’t at the gathering with them.

Fortunately, Wells was able to talk her daughter down from the roof, but she found herself at a loss as to what the next steps should be in trying to help her distraught daughter.

Children and the Damaging Effects of Bullying

Kids can bully others, be bullied themselves, or witness someone else being bullied. Often kids who are involved in a bullying situation play multiple roles – they may themselves be the targets of bullying by others, or they may witness other innocent kids being bullied.

According to the stopbullying.gov website:

The roles kids play in bullying are not limited to those who bully others and those who are bullied. Some researchers talk about the “circle of bullying” to define both those directly involved in bullying and those who actively or passively assist the behavior or defend against it.

Even if a child is not directly involved in bullying, they may be contributing to the behavior. Witnessing the behavior may also affect the child, so it is important for them to learn what they should do when they see bullying happen.

Most kids play more than one role in bullying over time. In some cases, they may be directly involved in bullying as the one bullying others or being bullied and in others they may witness bullying and play an assisting or defending role. Every situation is different. Some kids are both bullied and bully others. It is important to note the multiple roles kids play, because…

• Those who are both bullied and bully others may be at more risk for negative outcomes, such as depression or suicidal ideation.
• It highlights the need to engage all kids in prevention efforts, not just those who are known to be directly involved

Addressing the Issue of Bullying in the Church

Wells eventually had her daughter attend a different ward in a different stake in an effort to keep her away from the youth who were bullying her. Unfortunately, every parent who has a son or daughter who is the victim of bullying at Church is not able to attend a different ward or stake.

The LDS Living.com article lists some ways that experts suggest can be used to recognize, prevent, and correct bullying in a church environment:

Clark Burbidge, author of the youth help series Giants in the Land, commented that “due to the more positive, value-based, and supportive overall environment of a church setting, bullying can play out in more subtle ways. We can see it in exclusive or cliquish behavior. These can also include hurtful or devaluing statements.”

The article also suggests that another form of bullying in the Church is often found in pranks that are played on unsuspecting youth during various youth activities. Judy Wells, now an advocate against bullying, made the following observation:

They’ve got to have fun out there, right? There has to be some sort of an outlet. Locking a girl in a latrine at girl’s camp, that’s okay. It’s kind of funny. She’s stuck in a smelly latrine and can’t get out until somebody comes and lets her out. But, she says, “It’s not funny.” How someone experiences a “harmless” prank can emotionally affect them for the rest of their life.

Burbidge further suggests that the process of deterring bullying behavior begins in the home. Parents have an obligation to teach their children right from wrong, and bullying other children should be at the forefront of those things that are taught as being wrong behavior. He suggests that bullying behavior can be cut off at the pass if families are doing their part to create a loving, faith-filled, family environment in the home.

Licensed family therapist, Dr. Jonathan Swinton, recommends that on the ward level, bullying can be deterred by “celebrating diversity and differences, not being judgmental, and feeling love for all of God’s children.” He further commented:

The more people appreciate the doctrines that God ‘hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on the face of the earth’ (Acts 17:26), and that he ‘denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; … and all are alike unto God’ (2 Nephi 26:33), the behavior will more easily follow.

Just teaching kids to be nice will not be sufficient if they don’t really view everyone as their brothers and sisters. If they really do understand that it is their brother or sister they are doing this to, they can better show love for anyone that is different.

Wells further contends that Bishops and other Church leaders need to become actively engaged in resolving bullying issues that may occur in their wards or branches. She states that leaders should immediately alert parents of any child who is involved in a bullying situation so that they are aware of their child’s behavior towards others during church activities.

Burbidge further commented that leaders should respond to these types of situations “in a way that both supports and protects the person targeted, as well as responds in a loving but correcting way to the person responsible for the bullying. This can include counseling with both parties and their parents to provide the positive reinforcement and guidance so that alternative behaviors may be developed and replace the destructive ones.”

Every member can have an active role in ensuring that this type of behavior does not occur in his or her ward or branch by practicing charity – the pure love of Christ – towards their brothers and sisters. Every effort should be made to make everyone feel comfortable, welcome, and a part of the Church family. Each member should make the effort to be the first to offer the outstretched hand of friendship. A person may be appear different because of race, culture, or language, and they may not be known by name, but yet, they are known to us as brother and sister. When these practices are put in place, there will be no more strangers in Zion, and such adverse behaviors as bullying will cease to exist.

Fascinated by the fact that men have been commanded to keep records for their families, capture proceedings of the Church, and chronicle words of the prophets and the Savior for centuries—back when it was really difficult to molten ore, engrave the messages into metal, and lug around plates of brass or gold—today members of the Church are asked to do the same thing by writing histories for our own families. Yet, rather than engravings on precious metals, we press keys and slide our fingers across screens we hold in the palms of our hands. Libraries of data are literally now at our fingertips.

Technological Advances Help Further the Work of Family History

Thirty years ago I was involved in discussions about helping Brigham Young University (BYU) disseminate the resources of its library to other campuses all across the world. This was well before the Internet and seemingly an immense challenge. At that time, mountains of technological problems had to be overcome to achieve this goal. This task has now been realized, not only for BYU, but the entire Church – General Conference talks, performances, songs, and messages are nearly all available online – and technology provides access to scriptures, devotionals, and a myriad of lessons, videos, family history records, and other resources today that back then were beyond our wildest imaginations.

President James E. Faust, at the October 1999 General Priesthood Session, noted the following:

The miracles of modern technology have brought efficiency into our lives in ways not dreamed of a generation ago, yet with this new technology has come a deluge of new challenges …

I hasten to add that scientific knowledge, the marvels of communication, and the wonders of modern medicine have come from the Lord to enhance His work throughout the world. As an example, the Church’s FamilySearch® Web site has more than seven million hits a day.

Today, we are the beneficiaries of those who kept their promises and chronicled the experiences of life by recording their stories, testimonies, and incidents to lift and edify. In this way, the work of God moves forward to bless his children all across the world. Ennobling influences of prayer, scripture study, frequent church and temple attendance, and obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel can literally move mountains. We must simply look to witness the fulfillment of these promises and endure in faith to see God’s work realize its destiny. “The keys of the kingdom of God are committed unto man on the earth, and from thence shall the gospel roll forth unto the ends of the earth, as the stone which is cut out of the mountain without hands” (Doctrine and Covenants 65:2).

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Heinrich Karl Bukowski, a German-born, American poet, novelist and short story writer, once described loneliness in the world as being “so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock.” And T.S. Eliot, “one of the twentieth century’s major poets,” said,

Any decent society must generate a feeling of community. Community offsets loneliness. It gives people a vitally necessary sense of belonging. Yet today the institutions on which community depends are crumbling in all the techno-societies. The result is a spreading plague of loneliness.

How to Cope with Loneliness

A Wiki How.com article titled “How to Deal with Loneliness” describes three methods of coping with loneliness. The first method is to learn how to enjoy solitude. Though a person might think that they are the same, solitude differs from loneliness. Whereas loneliness is when a person is unhappy to be alone, solitude is when a person is happy to be alone. A major part of enjoying solitude involves a person learning to balance the time that he spends helping others and the time that he has for himself. When he spends a majority of his time helping others, he often neglects himself. The article suggests that if a person is experiencing a period of loneliness, he should take advantage of that time and do some of the things that he enjoys doing for himself. Other ways that a person can enjoy solitude include working out and taking care of his body, learning a new skill, and doing something that he has always dreamed of doing, but never seemed to have the time.

The second method is to learn how to comfort oneself. The first step in this method involves a person coming to the realization that he is not alone. Everyone experiences periods of loneliness, especially during major life transitions when things are going in a new direction and changing for the better, and they are looking for people who share their new found interests and ideas. The article also suggests looking for “activities that interest you and that also involve groups of people like book clubs, church groups, political campaigns, concerts and art exhibitions.” [1] And, “don’t attend functions with the sole idea of making friends or meeting people. Try to go with no expectations whatsoever and to enjoy yourself regardless of what happens.” [1] Other ways that a person can learn to comfort himself is by keeping busy and not dwelling on how alone he feels, doing activities by himself and realizing that people do not necessarily assume that he has no friends simply because he is alone (sometimes people do things alone in order to capture some quality “me” time), and considering getting and caring for a pet (winning the trust and affection of an animal can be a deeply rewarding experience).

The third method discussed in the article is learning how to be social again. Sometimes when people are desperately lonely, it becomes easy for them to crawl into their shell and become secluded. The article suggests that one of the ways for a person to start anew in the social areas of his life is by calling or getting together with people that he knows. Even if some of those people are not the people that he has an immediate desire to be with at that moment, human contact makes establishing more contact easier. A key factor to remember is that knowing how to be a good listener is extremely important. If a person talks about himself all of the time, it will tend to turn people away. Also, a person should take the initiative of introducing himself to other people and not wait for other people to approach him. One of the keys to gaining a new circle of friends is by showing a genuine interest in them, and the things that they do. A person should also remember to be courteous and polite, and realize that some of the people whom he desires to be friends with already have their own circle of friends. Spending time with family at this stage can also be important. You can share friends and meet new people together, thus diminishing that awkward feeling of being alone in public.

Correlation between Social Relationships and Mortality

An article in The Wall Street Journal titled “When Being Alone Turns into Loneliness, There Are Ways to Fight Back,” suggests,

Spending time alone is more fun when it is by choice. When it is the result of loss, separation or isolation, people are likely to experience it as loneliness. Homesickness, bullying, empty-nesting, bereavement and unrequited love are all variations on the theme. Loneliness isn’t depression, which is a lasting feeling of deep sadness and hopelessness and should be treated by a professional. [2]

In 2010, researchers at Brigham Young University conducted a study comprised of 148 studies and involving more than 300,000 participants on the correlation between social relationships and mortality. Their research showed that “loneliness was as strong a predictor of early death as was alcoholism or smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and it was a stronger predictor than obesity or a sedentary lifestyle.” [2] John T. Cacioppo, who studies loneliness, and is a psychologist and director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, stated that the rate of loneliness in the United States has doubled in the past 30 years. He estimates, “some 40% of Americans report being lonely, up from 20% in the 1980s.” [2]

Why does there appear to be more loneliness now than ever before? The Wall Street Journal articles suggests,

Many of us spend way too much time behind electronic screens and not nearly enough on our real, in-person connections.

You don’t have to be alone to be lonely, as anyone who has suffered through a bad relationship or an awkward holiday gathering can attest. “Loneliness is the feeling of social isolation or dissatisfaction with your relationships,” Dr. Cacioppo says. “It’s not just about whether there are others around you. It’s about whether the ones around you are those you can trust.” Some people are genetically more prone to loneliness than others, he says. [2]

Dr. Cacioppo also points out that when it comes to social relationships and interaction, women differ from men in that women desire face-to-face interactions, whereas as men tend to gravitate towards and connect with groups of people.

Therapists say loneliness, in its most unhealthy form, is a distorted way of thinking that often has an emotional trigger—whether it is a big change like a breakup or a geographic move, or something as simple as attending a wedding alone or bickering with a sibling.

The result is the same. Our subconscious rewinds back to when we were young and worried someone else wasn’t going to be there to take care of us. It is the negative thought “I don’t matter.” [2]

Remedies for Loneliness

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (inadvertently referred to as the “Mormon” Church by the media and others) realize that there are those among them who are alone and experience periods of feeling lonely. They also know and teach that some of the common ways of overcoming a feeling of loneliness are to render service to others, become actively involved in Church activities, and maintain associations with family and friends.

LeEtta Pratt of Richmond, Virginia, says, “I spend little time with the word lonely. The world is so full of wonderful people and meaningful things to do.

“Service in the Church has everything to do with preventing loneliness,” she continues. “The world is so full of needy people; there are physical, emotional, social, and spiritual needs. With the gospel, we have so much to contribute.”

And from San Jose, Costa Rica, Ines Solan writes that serving another person not only gives her joy, but “fills some emptiness” inside of her. [3]

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ are also Home Teachers and Visiting Teachers, watching over families in the congregation,  which affords them another opportunity to serve others. Often they discover that when they are busy serving others, they are able to avoid their own feelings of loneliness.

Many singles are blessed through the companionship of family members. But for those who do not have the companionship of immediate family members, extended family can provide family fellowship.

Loneliness can also be alleviated by reaching out to others. “Other people can be lonesome, too,” observes Roger Cook of Malvern, Australia. “A single person who fellowships someone else, whether single or not, is twice blessed.” [3]

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ understand that the key to avoiding loneliness and being happy is a gospel-centered attitude.

Latter-day Saints, whose members are sometimes informally referred to as Mormons. He said,

“Dear friends, future happiness and even the future of nations is linked to children. Families with children need to be re-enthroned as the fundamental unit of society. We simply must children more than we do! Without a new generation to replace the old, there is no wealth; without families, there is no future.”

The traditional family is a fundamental principle of Mormonism. Mormon beliefs center around Jesus Christ as the head of the church, and the family as the fundamental building block of society. Children learn their first values from their parents, and parents should always be the primary teachers of values. Churches and other organizations can only support the family in this process, not replace it.

Mormons have many programs to support families. Some involve practices carried out in the home. A practice that has received much attention and has been emulated by many who are not Mormon is the Family Home Evening program. Every Monday night, Mormon families turn off the telephone and close the doors to outsiders. This evening is devoted entirely to strengthening the family. Generally, the family-only meeting begins with a song and prayer and the conducting of family business. Then a lesson on an essential spiritual or moral lesson is taught. Following the lesson, families play games and enjoy treats before closing with a song and family prayer.

A unique feature of Family Home Evening is that each family member participates in the program. Most families have a chart that rotates assignments, often pairing young children with someone older. In the security of the home, children learn to lead a meeting, conduct a song, offer a public prayer, and teach a lesson. The meeting gives parents an opportunity to share sacred beliefs with their children and for children to learn and share their own beliefs. It also serves to strengthen the family bonds, which increases the ability of the parents to influence their children over the years.

The prayers offered in this meeting are only two of many given in the home. Mormon families gather for family prayer twice a day, in addition to their personal prayers and the prayers of the husband and wife together. Generally, the morning prayer includes a brief devotional, in which family members read the scriptures together and discuss them. Once again, parents have an opportunity to demonstrate how important Jesus and His gospel are to them, and to spend time with their children.

On Sundays, families attend the main worship service together. Even babies and small children are welcome and the increase in noise and movement from the little ones is accepted without complaint by church members because they understand how critical this meeting is for children. Even though the toddlers and babies do not understand much of what is said, they are experiencing church snuggled in a parent’s arms or playing quietly beside them, making their first memories of church pleasant. As they become a little older parents are able to begin training their children to be reverent in the church setting, rather than leaving it to teachers. All learning begins in the home.

The Mormons value their children. They have worked to create programs that support parents in the challenging work of training children to live the gospel. Organizational leaders and teachers understand they do not replace or come first before the parent, but only support them in their efforts by being an additional witness of the truth.

Formal classes begin at eighteen months. After attending the main worship service, known as Sacrament Meeting, as a family, families split up for various classes. The toddlers, ages eighteen months to three years of age, attend the Nursery Class. Here, although there is some playtime, children learn in age-appropriate and fun ways about Jesus Christ and His teachings. Older children have more structured classes, but which also teach through activities and music. Children ages eight to twelve have a weekday program as well. In most areas, boys belong to the Cub Scouting program through the church and girls belong to Activity Days. In areas where Boy Scouting isn’t approved, the boys use the girls’ program.

In these programs, children learn to set and achieve goals, to put gospel principles into action in the real world, master practical life skills, and serve others. For instance, girls might learn to hand sew and then make hand-sewn toys for needy children after learning that Christ taught us to serve others. A group of young boys might learn to cook simple meals for themselves and then make cookies to take to a retirement home. The gospel taught on Sunday is put into practice during their weeknight activities.

Mormon families are regularly counseled to put their families first, making certain employment and civic activities don’t get out of balance and deprive children of active parents. The Church offers parenting classes and many lessons include help for parents. Church men and women can turn to other parents for support and mentoring on an informal basis as well, because congregations are assigned by geographical boundaries and normally include a wide range of ages and experiences.

These support systems are one reason Mormon families are noted for their lower divorce rate. Both marriage and parenting are considered priorities in a Mormon home. Because marriage that takes place in a Mormon temple is forever, and not just until death, Mormons have a strong motivation to create strong loving families that can continue into eternal life. Husbands and wives can continue to be married after death, and children can continue to belong to their parents.

Society has a vested interest in the well-being of its families. At the same conference, Sheri L. Dew, also a Mormon, said, “We all know that every nation is ultimately at the mercy of its families. If families are riddled with problems, society eventually collapses under the weight of problems too vast for any government to meet. If families are strong, society is strong.”

In order for our society to succeed, we must begin to put families first and value the work of the parents who care for children. We must treat the children as if they matter.

Those who read the Bible remember that there was a day when Jesus had been working long, hard hours. A group of parents showed up late in the day with their children, but the apostles turned them away. However, the Savior summoned the children to Him, instructing His apostles to never turn away children. He demonstrated for His followers that day that He made children a priority, even during times of exhaustion. He understood that what children learn as children they generally take into adulthood. For this reason, we can’t wait until we have time to take care of the children of our world. As Elder Nelson said in the statement at the start of this article, “Families with children need to be re-enthroned as the fundamental unit of society.”